Go Wizardry

All About the Many Aspects of Go
We have millions of friends around the world... and they all play go!



I am right now living in an uncertain situation where I do not have an established base. Therefore, all of my books and magazines are in storage for the time being. As a result, I cannot access the material to write about the game of go in the way that I would like to. So I will write about things from my own perspective that differ from the run-of-the-mill point of view.

So here goes. What do I think about sex? Just the thought of it disgusts me. Now, mind you, I do not say this from a moral or ethical or religious or even a social stance. This is specifically a personal perception. The sexual act is repugnant to me.

And it does not have to be between human beings. I find copulation between dogs, say, just as revolting. Not only that, but plant life exchange of nucleic material is just as abhorrent to me.

I realize that the average reader would be astounded at this and would probably think it was a joke. But I assure you that it is not. It is truly the way I think.

Let me hasten to add that as a healthy, red-blooded American male, I appreciate the female physique in all of its manifestations. I think that the Venus de Milo is the epitome of feminine perfection. I love the depictions of robust women in the paintings of Rubens. I cherish the uncut version of “Some Like It Hot” where Marilyn Monroe revealed the sexiest poses possible. Along with all of mankind, I could go on and on pointing out the sexually stimulating images of women who inhabit my psyche.

So why on earth should the idea of sex be disgusting to me?


In a word: autism. In my semi-autobiographical novel, “Journey to the West,” I alluded to this. My autism is so slight as to have eluded detection all my life, but there are so many symptoms that have manifested themselves over the years that I have had to conclude that such a diagnosis is in order. (If the reader would like to see how a high-functioning autistic person copes in the real world effectively, “Nobody, Nowhere” by Donna Williams, is highly recommended for fascinating background information.) In no other sphere but in sex was this more troubling for me.

First, I have to explain that the sex act is meaningless as far as I am concerned. It leaves me cold. Intellectually, I can understand how biological drives motivate men and women to engage in sexual activity. And I understand how this is pleasurable for both parties. But that pleasure is extraneous to me; I cannot share in that pleasure voyeuristically nor even perceive how the pair enjoy it at all.

Again, I must repeat that I have a unique way of thinking about these things. An autistic way. It is an isolated viewpoint. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the world; completely isolated. However, whereas most people would feel alarmed at this, I feel calm. It makes me feel at peace with the world. I wonder how many people can understand all of the dimensions involved in what I have written in this paragraph.

Next, I must point out that many other people perceive things the way that I do, but react in very different ways. Whereas I feel antipathy towards sexual activity, others try to control it. What is the suppression of women throughout the world anything other than hostility towards sex?

In America, women have had to fight for equal rights for centuries. In the sixties, when there was a social revolution among the young that arose from opposition to the Vietnam War, the modern feminist movement was born at the same time, with women all over the country seeking to redress long-standing grievances. At bottom, was this not based on sex and nothing else? The rhetoric gave a formal structure to the matter, but the biological origin is clear.

So what in the world underpins all these feelings? Just why does sex disgust me personally, and why have people been trying to suppress it all over the planet for centuries?

Simply stated, sex is the life force. Or perhaps it might be described as the biological imperative. Friedrich Nietzsche called it the will to power. It is manifest everywhere in the world.

However, while my personal quirk has no effect on anyone else, in other places it leads to hostility and battle. It might seem like this fighting is over territory, but that is always the prelude to mating. For what other reason would people kill each other if not eventually to procreate with their chosen mates? It is illogical but true. In the sixties, the phrase, “Make Love, Not War” was popular, but essentially that is an illogical statement.

Of course, my own perception of sex does not endear me to many people. I have had a lot of women as friends over the years, but when the relationship does not develop sexually, they usually end up going their own way. They see no point in pursuing an association that they perceive as going nowhere. I suppose that I understand their point of view, but I have women friends whom I have known for decades. From time to time we get together and enjoy going out on what I guess could be called dates, but when the same old outcome transpires, they again disappear. Am I the one at fault? What about these women? Why are they still seeking a sexual partner after all these years? (I must add that they are all quite accomplished members of society, with well-paying jobs and perfectly normal family lives, including children, albeit without mates.)

I sometimes develop friendships with wives of my friends, but that never leads to a deep connection. That is understandable, since a truly intimate acquaintance with the opposite sex always causes suspicion in society and consequently women are careful to avoid it. But the fact is that it means there can never be a close bond between otherwise unconnected people.


I also have many women friends with whom I associate in business. Women have made great strides in the business world in recent years, although they still trail men in that sphere. And there are many women executives with whom I have nothing in common. For instance, they may be employed in an industry in which I have no interest. In that case, we have even less to talk about together.

What is really astounding about all of this is that I did find a woman with whom I fell in love and we had several years of bliss together. But that was a unique situation. I was working in the aircraft leasing industry and flying all over the world. I would often take her with me. The ever-changing scenery gave an idyllic dimension to the relationship, masking problems that led to our breakup twelve years later.

So am I different from anyone else in America? It seems that my story, while having the unusual feature of autism as a complication, at bottom is the same as that of many other people. I suppose that sex is what really binds us all.

Those who wish to comment on the opinions expressed here may send their thoughts to info@GoWizardry.com. The most interesting responses will be addressed in future postings.

Robert J. Terry

Tagged as: ,

Leave a Reply


book cover

Go on the Go Collection: Volume I

Three booklets have been assembled into the collection here.

Buy this Book at Amazon

Go For Everyone

Go For Everyone

A New Method for Learning to Play the Game of Go

Buy this book

Book Cover

Journey to the West

This is a semi-autobiographical novel that depicts a unique American success story; a rags to riches tale of a man escaping his humble origins to make millions of dollars, but then he throws it all away due to the ancient character flaw of hubris.

Buy this Book at Amazon